Almost everyone that has been in a relationship that ended has experienced some kind of heart-break. No human being enjoys rejection no matter how strong they may want others to believe they are. There is nothing wrong with experiencing pain from a relationship once it has ended. It’s only natural to grieve for a little while, pick yourself up and move on. As human beings, we are designed to fall in love and care for others. Whilst not everyone has found the love of their life / soul mate, many go through a series of heart breaks before they can meet the one that loves them wholeheartedly.
So what do you do when your relationship breaks down? Do you attack your ex in the hope that they will reconsider their decision and take you back? Do you end your life because you have reason to believe that you have nothing left to live for? Do you run away from your friends and family for fear of what they might say? Do you depress yourself worrying about what you could have possibly done wrong to deserve the kind of pain you are feeling? Do you lose hope, give up on love and look at every other potential date as a heart-breaker? Well, if you have thought of any of the above as your solution, then this article is a must read for you.
There is a lesson to be learnt in every relationship and I strongly believe that people walk into our lives to serve a particular purpose. The first lesson you will learn from a heart-break is that you need to love your self before you can commit to loving someone else. It’s simple, when you have accepted who you are with all your strengths and weaknesses, it is easier to know what you can change and what you can tolerate from a partner. Not everyone that we come in to contact with are at the same level of understanding with us. Some are looking for a little bit more than you can give and that’s their preference. When you love your self, you discover what you have to offer in a relationship and you choose how far you can compromise if its worth doing so. Click on the following link to read more about compromise in one of my previous posts Compromise: When And When Not To
The second lesson you will learn from a heart-break is that when someone wants to leave, its best to let them go. You can never force someone to feel about you the way you feel about them. When someone has made a decision to exclude themselves from your life, it simply means their chapter in your life is over and whatever lesson they had come to teach you has come to pass. Forcing someone to love you will only hurt you even more. No matter how much time you have invested or any other resources you put into a relationship, when it comes to an end, move on.
Some might say it’s very difficult to pick up the pieces and move on. It might seem so in the beginning but with time, you will realize it’s worth it. Many a time we are blinded by love so much that everything seems perfect. Not until we are brought back to the realization that the illusion we had actually blinded us from the truth, do we then see things as they truly are. Am sure you have recovered from a break up and thought to yourself ‘how did I ever stay in that toxic relationship?’ or you have at least said to yourself ‘how could i not see all these signs when they were right in front of me?’ It is only then that you realize that it was best to end that relationship after all.
Well, we have all be there before and it might seem like the most difficult thing at the time. But let me tell you something that is no secret; the sooner you realize that your relationship is over, the better for you. The moment you accept that there is nothing more you can do to save a sinking ship, then you have reached the first step towards letting go. It’s not easy but no one can help you get through it but yourself. Family and friends are there to support you through your time of grief but only you can pick yourself up and make the bold decision to move on. I have taken the liberty of stating a few points that can help you move on from a heartbreak below:
- Acceptance that it’s time to move on: The first step is to healing from a heartbreak is to accept that the relationship is over and start to pack up your emotions towards your ex lover. Acceptance means you stop expecting your ex lover to change their mind. Acceptance means, you stop expecting them to care and you treat them just like any other person in your life with no priority. Acceptance means you stop checking what they are up to and reacting to how they are moving on in their life.
- Ask for space until you are ready: Some exes will ask you to be friends immediately after a break up. This makes it very difficult for you to move on and you may not be able to differentiate your role as a friend from what you were as a lover. It is okay to ask for space to allow you to grieve and put yourself together. Do not be pressured by someone who clearly can not respect you enough to understand this.
- Occupy yourself with the things that bring you joy: Make yourself busy and avoid being left alone with your bag of emotions. Hang out with family and friends or find a hobby that keeps you occupied and away from too many thoughts over your situation.
- Get genuine closure: There is nothing wrong with trying to get closure if you really want to know what you could have done better. This doesn’t mean you should change who you are, it just means that there may have been some deal breakers that the two of you couldn’t compromise on. It helps you be aware of some habits that you are to avoid in the future. However, only seek closure when it’s obvious you will get genuine feedback.
- Get rid of the things that remind you of what was: lock away or even throw away the pictures. Delete the messages if you have to and there is no harm in putting their number off speed dial. Yes, it might seem like a childish thing to do but what good will it do to stare at your old pictures together whilst crying as you lay in bed? It’s not healthy. Block them from social media and give your self time before you can consider reconnecting under different terms such as friendship.
- Learn to love yourself: Be happy with who you are and work on improving your life. Find what makes you happy and pursue it. Know your limitations and be clear on what you have to offer to others. Sometimes all you need is to understand yourself well enough to know what kind of companion best suits you.
At the end of the day, the only person you have to look out for in this situation is yourself. We grieve differently but it all comes down to giving yourself time to heal. Before you can put yourself out there and try again, make sure you have moved on completely. Depending on the circumstances leading to the break up, the above tips should help you heal from a heart-break. Always remember that sometimes you needed to date the wrong ones before you can appreciate the ones that will truly be worth the wait.
All the best as you heal and good luck in finding love!